From “I wish…” to “I am…”: Growing your Leadership Confidence

Leadership

Mar 18

5 minute read

One of the great privileges of working for FiveAndCo. is the relationships we build with our clients – senior leaders who demonstrate skill, competence and compassion every day, often whilst simultaneously dealing with heavy workloads and multiple commercial challenges. You’re amazing!

Yet, there often comes a time when a leader will meet with us one to one and say something like “I wish I could…” After that opening phrase, we might hear ideas like “I wish I could be less…” or “I wish I could be more…” or sometimes “I wish I could be more like him or her…”

It's not unusual to see something we admire in others, but when it becomes a pattern of thought that fixes on what we lack, rather than what we possess it can get in the way of our leadership.

Whilst this is often just a passing moment for many leaders, it's important to remember that our mindset is shaped by the words we use and how we choose to talk about our situation. Focusing on these limiting thoughts can initiate a ‘fear’ response in our body – a process that releases chemicals like cortisol that are associated with poor decision making and physical stress. However, when we focus on positive (and realistic) thoughts, our bodies’ processes also respond positively, helping us to feel confident and relaxed.

That’s not to say that confidence is purely in the mind. Self-confidence can be general (related to how you feel about yourself) or it can be specific (a mental or emotional state related to a particular context or skill). So, when we meet leaders who admire (or even envy) the capacities of others, our first question is, ‘What would you like to do about that?’

You can decide to respond to a lack of specific confidence with coaching, formal education or sometimes just spending time with that leader you admire. Watching and listening to them as they lead, and asking questions as you do so.

When it comes to a more general lack of confidence, this can be more complicated depending on your leadership journey to date, but it starts in a simple place. Here are three things which we hope will help you take a first step towards developing the self-confidence you need to thrive:

1. Write down – most leaders under diagnose and over act so it’s important you spend time accurately describing the problem you are facing. What are the feelings you notice? Where are those feelings most likely to become overwhelming?

2. Speak up – talk to someone about it. Writing it down helps you get clear for yourself. Speaking about it will take your clarity to a new level. With the right help, in the right company, the conversations you have with others will help bring some balance to how you see yourself. It is often the case that we ‘forget’ how good we are in many ways. Getting feedback from others can help bring balance.

3. Act out – now that you have identified where you are coming from, and where you would like go to, it’s time to act. Don’t wait for a perfect time – there isn’t one. Don’t wait until you feel ready – if it’s a live conversation for you now, the time to act is now.

Set up a meeting with a mentor or coach, sign up for that course, read that book. Strengthen a positive mindset by acting on your goals with positive intent. And remember to celebrate your efforts, regardless of the outcome.

Starting a new habit of regular investment in your leadership and developing a positive mindset can be hard. Sometimes we must master a process, before we become the master of the goal so focus on delivering the habit for at least 3 months before judging whether you have achieved your goal.

To conclude, when you start now by taking control of your thoughts, emotions, and behaviours, building confidence and new skills doesn’t have to be a heavy lift. Start where you are, and take small steps. When you do, you can shift your focus from “I wish…” to “I am…”