Why small talk is the biggest talk we do

Leadership

Apr 30

3 minute read

FiveAndCo. exists to make Thriving Teams a reality across the Life Science sector. We are always excited to tell people about our purpose as a business – we want to change the world for as many people as possible (who says we can’t?)

Having said that, it comes as a surprise to many of the senior leaders we work with in Pharma that we think one of the key skills any leader can learn is the art of ‘small talk’.

When we talk 1:1 with leaders we often hear phrases like “I would rather sit in a cupboard with a bucket on my head than engage in small talk” or “if we are not talking about the great opportunities and challenges in life, then I am out”.

However almost all the leaders we speak to simultaneously agree that networking, effective partnerships, and building influence across the business are critical activities.

So, in the spirit of being bold (one of our key values here in FiveAndCo.), here’s our challenge to you. Small talk is the biggest talk when it comes to building your influence, building effective partnerships, and developing effective networks.

It's not easy but there is ample evidence to suggest that customers, teams, and individuals all respond positively when it feels like you are interested in them beyond the tasks they are engaged in. Here’s some interesting statistics that may help persuade you.

According to the Businessolver 2019 State of Workplace Empathy Report, 92% of employees said that they would be more likely to stay with their jobs if their leaders showed more interest in them. Gallup (2020) asserted that engaged teams generate 21% more profit than their disengaged counterparts. Several large companies use simple milestones like work anniversaries to reach out ask people “how they are getting along” so they can help people decide to stay longer in the business. Having small, simple conversations has led to a significant drop in attrition.

There are numerous books, TED talks and blogs giving great advice on engaging in small talk, but we like to keep it simple, so here are our top three tips for leaders starting their small talk journey:

Ask more questions than you answer

Many people like to talk about themselves so asking questions is always a great starting point. Even for those who don’t, they usually appreciate you being interested in where they are and what they are doing right now.

So, how do we ask questions which feel genuine? At FiveAndCo. we talk about “going to the third question” Here’s an example

1st Question: “How was your weekend?”

“It was great thanks, we went walking with the dog”

2nd Question: “Nice – where did you go?”

“Nowhere special – just a nice forest near my house”

3rd Question: “What do you like most about walking with your dog?”

Most people stop at question 2 (or even question 1) but to really connect with the person in front of you, finding out the why as well as the what makes a small conversation feel a little bigger.

You may find this a little awkward to start but it's worth practicing. If you are the kind of person who finds it difficult to remember small details about people, consider writing down a few thoughts from your small conversations. Next time you speak to them, you can follow through from your last conversation.

Silence is ok

If you are going to get comfortable with small talk, you will need to get comfortable with silence.

Sometimes people need time to think about their responses. Sometimes they’re wondering if you are the kind of person they are going to trust with important (but often small) details about their lives.

Bear with the silence and don’t be tempted to fill it with more questions or comments.

If the silence goes on for too long, consider a gracious exit by asking questions like “looks like you have a lot on your mind – shall we catch up later?” or if you read the emotion of the moment, you can always choose kindness “Are you ok?”

Keep well informed

Not everyone enjoys talking about themselves so another helpful discipline to support small talk is to stay informed about what is going on outside of the business and in the towns or cities where your teams live.

If you are nervous about politics or sensitive topics, stick to local issues, hobbies, and sports. One of our clients found that her deputy was a massive soccer fan. She did not set out to be an expert or pretend to be interested in soccer but did check out the progress of her deputy’s favourite team from time to time - using the information to create light moments in their otherwise busy conversations like “really sorry to see your team lost this weekend – you must be gutted!”

We know some of you will read this and feel like this sounds contrived or even manipulative but please bear with it! This is about connecting. Its about seeing people around us as more than the sum of their job requirements. When they see that you see that, it can transform your relationships, build better partnerships, and increase your influence with others – who doesn’t want that?